同章对照

As it turned out, Wardrobe had an entire floor of Il Migliore’s tower dedicated to her.

Ryan and the Panda waited inside an elevator, as it slowly climbed towards their destination. The duo could see the sun illuminate New Rome through a glass window, Ryan glancing at Rust Town while his sidekick sang a Spider-man cartoon tune to himself.

It was May 10th, and Psyshock would soon attack the orphanage.

Ryan’s cell phone buzzed to the tune of I Got You, Babe, drawing him out of his reverie. “Quicksave Deliveries, yes?” he said while answering the unknown caller. “We will deliver your mail, no matter how many corpses it takes!”

“There is a logic in this world,” Fortuna’s furious voice said on the other end of the line. “Everything that can go well for me in this universe, does. You violated the natural order!”

“Wait, how did you get this number?” Ryan asked, curious but not surprised.

“I typed it at random.” Goddamnit, her ability was overpowered. She could probably stumble onto the Dynamis conspiracy by sheer luck if she wanted to. “Nobody talks to me like that, Quicksave! I have men throwing themselves at my feet, millionaires, celebrities—”

Ryan hung up on her. “Who was it, Sifu?” his panda disciple asked him.

“A loony fan,” the courier replied dismissively, even as Lucky Girl kept trying to call him.

“Oh, I had one of those too! She tried to kidnap the Panda because she loved his smooth fur. The Panda… the Panda had to run.”

“Couldn’t you... you know…” Ryan looked into his eyes. “Eat her?”

“I-I can only eat bamboo in panda form, Sifu! Meat makes me want to vomit!”

The Danish warlord Nidhogg had drunk a Green Elixir and became a kilometers-long, near-invulnerable serpent. While Timmy drank the same kind of potion, only to become… that.

There was no fairness in this world.

“Sifu, why are you looking at me like that?” the Panda asked, a little anxious.

Ryan sighed and put a hand on the poor animal’s shoulder. “I will always support you, young disciple. No matter what.”

“I…” Ryan thought the Panda might start crying. “Thank you, Sifu.”

The elevator finally reached Wardrobe’s floor and the duo stepped inside.

After the ascent, Ryan had expected something luxurious, but nothing like this. The rugs in the welcoming hall had probably cost a fortune, all the chairs were made of refined leather, and the walls had been covered with artistic designs like an art gallery. Fashion and girlie mags were piled up on fancy wooden tables.

“Come in!” Wardrobe called them from another room. The new hero team followed her voice and passed in front of shooting studios, including darkrooms, props, and various photography equipment.

Eventually, they made their way to a lobby whose walls were covered with thousands of model pictures and cloth designs. Wardrobe was facing a tough customer around a table, a paper sheet and pencil in hand.

“No!” Felix the Atom Cat said, sinking in his chair in front of the hero fashion designer. “I’m not wearing a cat latex suit!”

“Felix, don’t be a child,” Wardrobe protested, “it would be form-fitting, and won’t restrict your movements in a fight.”

The young hero crossed his arms and pouted. “My outfit is good enough.”

“What? How can you say something that stupid! You take that back!”

“Personally, I suggest a Valentino suit with a cat-themed tie, but I think the outfit is already taken,” Ryan mused out loud, waving a hand at the heroes. “Hi, I’m Quicksave, and this is my trusty Panda sidekick.”

“Oh, hello, I’m Atom Cat,” Felix replied, a bit gruffer than usual. Ryan had missed him.

“Hi, I’m Wardrobe! But you can call me Yukiko, or ‘Yuki’ for short!” She was Japanese, huh? Ryan would have said Korean. She smiled brightly at the two, making her unbearably adorable. “Nice to meet you! Please have a seat!”

“She’s so cute…” the Panda muttered under his breath, before trying to sound dignified. “The Panda greets you too!”

“You’re the new guys, right?” Felix asked as they joined the fashion debate. “Shouldn’t you be at the newbie seminar or something?”

“Shouldn’t you, kitten?” Ryan asked back.

“Don’t tell me,” he sighed. “I’m supposed to waste time watching corporate videos instead of actually doing hero work.”

“We are doing hero work right now,” Wardrobe said, looking at the Augusti rebel’s white gymnast clothes. “Wearing this is a crime against humanity, Felix. Follow Quicksave’s example! Look at that perfect color nuance and this fancy noir trench coat. His costume stands for something greater than him!”

“Thank you,” Ryan said. “I am so glad to finally meet someone civilized in this savage wilderness.”

Atom Cat wasn’t convinced though. “I will take practical over fancy any day.”

“That’s what she said,” Ryan replied, Wardrobe chuckling while Atom Cat rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I am told you will be my goddess as far as fashion goes, but I’m not yet ready to believe in you.”

“Don’t worry about that, Quicksave, I got your costume covered,” she said while drawing on a blank paper sheet with her pencil. “I thought about a Valentino-style suit with artificial fibers, but the more I thought of it, the more I realized I should use a better material. One that fits you.”

“Cashmere?” Ryan asked, hopeful.

“Cashmere, my thought exactly,” Wardrobe said with a nod, revealing herself as an island of sanity in a world gone mad. “Dark purple, with a fancy black turtleneck underneath. And a bowler hat.”

“Oh, no,” the courier suddenly hit the brakes, before she went too far. “That’s too extreme and violent.”

“I thought the same, but I found a solution.”

She raised the sheet before the group, Ryan, the Panda, and even Atom Cat observing her sketch. “Instead of a corporate tie, we’re going to add a wool scarf,” Wardrobe pointed her pencil at the neck. “Light violet, almost pinkish, with tiny clock symbols everywhere.”

The costume… it was wonderful. The perfect blend of modern fashion and Victorian-style dandiness.

A pinkish bright scarf instead of a tie? That was a stroke of genius! Why didn’t Ryan ever think of that?!

“It’s wonderful,” the courier whispered as if facing a divine revelation.

“I know! The scarf will restrain the bowler hat’s energy, symbolizing the conflict between your violent spirit and society’s rules! Can you truly live up to your duty to the law, or will you stay true to your wild, single-minded pursuit of justice? That’s your message. That’s your conflict.” Wardrobe pointed at the drawing. “That’s your costume.”

“How about my bipolarity?” Ryan asked, now giddy. “What do you do about my bipolarity?”

“We paint your metal mask silver and black, light and darkness coexisting without ever mixing!”

“I have been converted! Yours is the one true faith!”

“Oh God, there’s two of them now,” Felix complained. “We’re doomed.”

“What about me?” The Panda asked, hopeful. “Can you make a costume worthy of the Panda’s pure awesomeness?”

“Yes, I can!” Wardrobe replied with enthusiasm. “I thought about leaving you shirtless, with two bullet bandoliers around the chest.”

“Bullet bandoliers?” Timmy’s face deflated. “But I don’t know how to shoot!”

“It’s not about whether you can use it or not,” Ryan enlightened him. “It's about looking cool!”

“Exactly!” Wardrobe agreed while writing down a new sketch. “So I say, two bandoliers around your chest, a green beret, black shorts that will adjust to your transformation, and maybe a pair of sunglasses. You’re no longer just a panda. You’re Rambo Panda, the last of your kind, fighting an eternal war for the future!”

She showed them the sketch, and even Ryan had to admit, it looked like one manly Chinese bear. When he glanced at Wardrobe and remembered how Mortimer had dared kill this gift to mankind from the heavens, the courier couldn’t help but feel sorrow.

“You are a national treasure that must be protected,” Ryan told Wardrobe. “And you will be! I swear you will be!”

“Oh, thanks!” she said with a bright smile. “It’s okay, I get that all of the time!”

“I… I will finally impress the girls in this.” The Panda looked at the costume, utterly mesmerized. “What about the car? Can we get a pandamobile?”

“The Kids Marketing department is already on the case,” Wardrobe promised, grinning at the two. “So, you’re okay with the costumes? Of course you are. Once you validate them, I can make the designs a reality within the hour.”

“Yes, yes, yes!” Ryan said enthusiastically. “And afterward we go patrol in Rust Town!”

“Patrol?” The Panda and Atom Cat asked at once.

“Well yes, we have to test these costumes in the field,” Ryan argued. “It’s like baptizing a ship, except you use the blood of your enemies instead of alcohol.”

“You want to do what exactly?” Atom Cat asked, a little skeptical. “Go to Rust Town and pick a fight with the Meta-Gang?”

“Uh, yes?”

“But Sifu, what about the seminar?” The Panda asked, worried. He must have thought not attending would hurt his chances at becoming an Il Migliore member. “We haven’t finished training!”

“You fail to see the truth, arrogant young disciple!” Ryan told his sidekick. “One must confront evil, instead of waiting for it to come to you! To think for yourself is the real training!”

“Yes, Sifu! I understand, Sifu!” The Panda put his hand on his chest. “The Panda shall support you, as you supported him!”

“That’s the spirit,” Ryan patted the Green Genome on the back, before glancing at a confused Felix. “Do you want to come too? I don’t have cat litter in the car though.”

“Me?” Felix the Cat asked, a bit unsure.

“You, Atom Cat, for your own good,” Ryan pleaded, rising from his chair and putting his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “There is a moment in the life of a man, where he must take charge of his own future! Where he must break the chains of corporate hierarchy and stand for what’s right!”

“Can you stop invading my personal space, please?” Felix asked, leaning back in his chair.

“They’ll milk you, Felix!” Ryan continued, completely ignoring the hero’s resistance. “They’ll milk you like a cow! They’ll harvest your happiness and turn it into cash, until you stand for nothing but a brand! They will destroy you with one hour and a half long corporate videos, addict you to coffee and catering, and brainwash you with accounting buzz—”

“You had me at the video part,” Felix interrupted Ryan and pushed him back. “You know what, even if you’re clearly off your meds, you’ve got a point. About time someone confronted this city’s Psycho cancer. Stand for what’s right? You’re talking my language.”

“Oh, can I join too?” Wardrobe asked with her usual enthusiasm. “Team trips are so fun!”

“You’re sure you can leave your atelier without authorization?” Atom Cat asked.

“I will officially join the Pro League next week, after we finish filming the new Wyvern movie,” Wardrobe said happily. “I already have a field license. It will be my last junior league adventure!”

“Well then,” Ryan raised a finger at the ceiling, “to the Quicksave Mobile!”

---

A few hours later, Ryan drove through the streets of Rust Town in a brand new costume. Wardrobe sat at his side, while Atom Cat, that fashion disaster, had taken over the backseat with the new and improved Panda.

“What a dump,” Atom Cat said, looking through the window. No matter the loop, nobody ever got used to Rust Town. Even the Panda—the Panda—seemed intimidated by the overwhelming atmosphere of ruin and decay. “It’s even worse than I thought.”

“Yeah, it’s… it’s a bad place,” Wardrobe admitted, her fingers twitching. “I see why they don’t let juniors patrol here.”

“Wardrobe,” Ryan said, a lighthearted idea crossing his mind.

“Yes, Quicksave?” she said, moving closer to his seat.

“You can change into any persona that isn’t copyrighted right? Fictional or not? Does that mean you can change into…”

He whispered the terrible name into her ear.

“Yes I can, it’s my ‘Apocalypse Suit,’” Wardrobe nodded. “But it’s too dangerous to use unless all is lost. I think I could destroy the world if I wear it for too long.”

Ryan needed to see her in that costume. That would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. “Can you dress like God?” Felix asked at the back. “That would be pretty overpowered.”

“Uh, somewhat?” Wardrobe admitted, a little embarrassed. “But I can’t do much in most gods’ costumes actually. The more defined a persona, the better I master it. Nobody agrees about what God can or can’t do, or what He even looks like, so the persona isn’t all that stable. I have an easier time cosplaying as Jesus or Moses. I can’t wear a persona too long though, or else I start to become it.”

“So if you dress like Augustus, you start to think like him?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah, don’t, you’ll probably become a colossal asshole,” Felix said with hateful venom.

“It’s… strange, to be Augustus?” Wardrobe admitted. “I’m not sure if it’s his power or just the idea people have of him, but I become so cold that I don’t feel anything. I become more like a statue than a living being. I can’t relate to other humans anymore.”

“I figured as much.” Felix shrugged. “Any idea how his invulnerability works? I thought Dynamis would test out its limits.”

“Well, I don’t actually copy people or their powers,” Wardrobe explained. “I copy the idea that people have of them. I mean, Dracula could walk under the sun in the original novel just fine, but I can’t stand daylight because everyone thinks vampires are weak to it. So Dynamis isn’t sure if my insight is very reliable.”

Ryan wasn’t so sure. Both the original Augustus and his cosplayer had been able to move in the stopped time. Come to think of it, this run might be a rare opportunity to figure out the limits of Lightning Dad’s power.

“Could you cosplay as me?” The Panda asked with enthusiasm.

“He’s the last panda on earth, Yukiko,” Ryan told the fashion goddess, who had earned that nickname with flying colors. “You could save the whole species!”

“I don’t think I can,” Wardrobe admitted sheepishly. “You aren’t famous enough.”

“What about me?” Ryan asked, his heart filled with hope, while the Panda deflated. “Or Cancel? Can you copy Cancel?”

Atom Cat looked at the courier strangely when he mentioned the power canceller, but Wardrobe had clearly no idea who she was. “Who? No, I can only copy personas ingrained in mankind’s collective consciousness. I’m sorry.”

Uh, well, that sent Ryan’s plan to deal with Psyshock down the drain, and Wardrobe wouldn’t be able to mimic his power if nobody knew its true nature. A shame.

Atom Cat grabbed his cell phone, read the screen, and then put it back in his pocket. His mood clearly worsened afterward. “What is it, Felix?” Wardrobe asked, clearly worried for his well-being.

“My sister, and my ex,” Felix replied.

“Oh, Livia?” Ryan asked out loud.

“How do you know that? Did Blackthorn tell you?” Felix crossed his arms. “Yeah, it’s Livia.”

“Oh, you had a girlfriend?” The Panda asked, immediately interested. “Do you still love her?”

“No, we’re over,” Felix replied bluntly, looking sorrowfully through the windows. “At the end of the day, it’s family over what’s right, or even what’s good for her. I can’t compromise anymore. Not after what I’ve seen.”

“Yeah, I see exactly what you mean,” Ryan said with a sigh, remembering the old bad days with Bloodstream. He heard his phone buzzing, checking it with one hand and keeping another on the driving wheel. It wasn’t responsible, but he had mastered the art of text-driving early in his loops.

You have forty-one messages from: Lucky Girl.

You have one message from: Unknown.

Fortuna was quite persistent.

Wait. She was all over Matty boy because he didn’t give in to her attention. Just like Ryan himself this run…

He had a bad feeling about this.

Anyway, he didn’t check these messages, and instead read the text from his unknown caller. The message consisted of a single sentence.

Unknown : The orange is in the hen house.

Ryan hit the brakes so fast it startled everyone.

“Sifu, you shouldn’t text while driving!” The Panda complained from the back.

“Sorry, sorry,” Ryan replied, frantically typing the answer before driving back towards the orphanage, his mind bustling with questions. Though he only sent one to the unknown caller.

PlushieTamer: Where and when?

原来，至优者大厦里有整整一层楼专供衣橱使用。

瑞恩和熊猫待在电梯里，随着它缓缓升向目的地。透过玻璃窗，两人能看见阳光照耀下的新罗马。瑞恩望了一眼锈镇，身旁的搭档则在自顾自地哼着《蜘蛛侠》动画片的曲子。

今天是五月十日，心震很快就会袭击孤儿院。

瑞恩的手机响起了《宝贝，我有你》的旋律，将他从沉思中拉了回来。“快存速递，有何贵干？”他接起陌生号码的来电，“不管需要踩过多少具尸体，您的邮件都一定送到！”

“这世界是有逻辑的。”电话那头传来福尔图娜怒气冲冲的声音，“在这个宇宙里，凡是有可能顺我的心的事，就一定会顺我的心。你违反了自然秩序！”

“等等，你怎么弄到这个号码的？”瑞恩好奇地问，倒并不意外。

“我随便按的。”妈的，她这能力也强得太过头了。只要她愿意，恐怕光凭运气就能撞破迪纳米斯的阴谋。“从来没人敢这样跟我说话，快存！拜倒在我脚下的男人多的是，百万富翁、名人——”

瑞恩挂了电话。“谁啊，师父？”他的熊猫徒弟问道。

“一个疯疯癫癫的粉丝。”快递员不以为意地回答，幸运女孩却还在不停地打来。

“哦，我也遇到过一个！她太喜欢熊猫柔顺的毛了，还想绑架熊猫。熊猫……熊猫只好逃跑。”

“你就不能……你懂的……”瑞恩望着他的眼睛，“把她吃了吗？”

“师、师父！我在熊猫形态下只能吃竹子！吃肉会让我想吐！”

丹麦军阀尼德霍格喝下一瓶绿色灵药，变成了一条长达数公里、近乎刀枪不入的巨蛇。蒂米喝下同一类药水，却只变成了……这么个玩意儿。

这世上根本没有公平可言。

“师父，你为什么这样看着我？”熊猫有些不安地问。

瑞恩叹了口气，将一只手放在这只可怜动物的肩上。“小徒弟，我会永远支持你的。无论发生什么。”

“我……”瑞恩觉得熊猫都快哭了。“谢谢你，师父。”

电梯终于抵达衣橱的楼层，两人迈步走了进去。

一路升上来，瑞恩料想这里会很奢华，却没想到会奢华到这种程度。接待大厅里的地毯恐怕价值不菲，所有椅子都用上等皮革制成，墙上满是艺术图案，俨然一座画廊。精美的木桌上堆着时尚杂志和美女写真杂志。

“进来吧！”衣橱在另一个房间里招呼他们。这支新成立的英雄小队循声而去，经过一间间摄影棚，沿途还能看见暗房、道具和各式摄影器材。

最后，他们来到一间会客厅，墙上贴着成千上万张模特照片和服装设计图。衣橱手拿纸笔，正隔着一张桌子应付一位难缠的顾客。

“不行！”“原子猫”菲利克斯陷在椅子里，对面前这位英雄服装设计师说道，“我才不穿猫咪乳胶紧身衣！”

“菲利克斯，别耍小孩子脾气。”衣橱抗议道，“它会很贴身，打起架来也不会妨碍你的动作。”

年轻的英雄抱起胳膊，噘着嘴。“我这身衣服已经够好了。”

“什么？这种蠢话你怎么说得出口！给我收回去！”

“我个人建议穿华伦天奴西装，再配一条猫咪主题的领带，不过这身打扮好像已经有人用了。”瑞恩若有所思地说，朝两位英雄挥了挥手，“嗨，我是快存，这位是我可靠的搭档熊猫。”

“哦，你好，我是原子猫。”菲利克斯答道，语气比平常生硬了些。瑞恩还真挺想他的。

“嗨，我是衣橱！不过你们可以叫我由纪子，或者简称‘由纪’！”原来她是日本人啊？瑞恩本来还以为她是韩国人。她朝两人绽开灿烂的笑容，简直可爱得让人受不了。“很高兴认识你们！请坐！”

“她好可爱……”熊猫小声嘀咕了一句，随即努力摆出庄重的腔调，“熊猫也向你问好！”

两人加入这场时尚辩论时，菲利克斯问道：“你们就是新来的吧？不是应该去参加新人培训会之类的吗？”

“你不也应该去吗，小猫咪？”瑞恩反问。

“别提了。”他叹了口气，“我本该去做真正的英雄工作，却得浪费时间看公司宣传视频。”

“我们现在就在做英雄工作。”衣橱看着这位奥古斯蒂叛逆者身上的白色体操服，说道，“菲利克斯，穿成这样简直是反人类罪。学学快存吧！看看那完美的色彩层次，还有这件精致的黑色电影风格风衣。他这身服装所代表的，可比他本人伟大多了！”

“谢谢。”瑞恩说，“能在这片野蛮的荒野里终于碰到一个文明人，我真是太欣慰了。”

原子猫却不为所动。“实用和花哨之间，我永远选实用。”

“她在床上也是这么说的。”瑞恩答道。衣橱轻笑出声，原子猫则翻了个白眼。“总之，有人说在时尚这方面，你将是我的女神。不过我还没准备好信奉你。”

“这个你就放心吧，快存，你的服装包在我身上。”她一边说，一边拿铅笔在白纸上画起来，“我考虑过用人造纤维做一套华伦天奴风格的西装，不过越想越觉得，我应该用一种更好的材料。更适合你的材料。”

“羊绒？”瑞恩满怀希望地问。

“羊绒，我想的正是这个。”衣橱点点头，证明了自己正是这疯狂世界里的一座理智孤岛。“深紫色，里面配一件漂亮的黑色高领衫。再加一顶圆顶硬礼帽。”

“哦，不行。”快递员突然踩了刹车，免得她走得太远。“这就太极端、太暴力了。”

“我也这么想，不过我找到了解决办法。”

她把纸举到众人面前，瑞恩、熊猫，连原子猫都凑过来看她的草图。“不要商务领带，改用一条羊毛围巾。”衣橱用铅笔指着颈部，“淡紫色，近乎粉色，上面布满小小的时钟图案。”

这套服装……美妙极了。现代时尚与维多利亚时代花花公子的华丽派头，完美地融为了一体。

用偏粉的亮色围巾代替领带？简直是神来之笔！瑞恩以前怎么就没想到呢？！

“太美妙了。”快递员低声喃喃，仿佛正面对着神启。

“我就知道！围巾能收住圆顶硬礼帽的气场，象征你狂暴的灵魂与社会规则之间的冲突！你究竟能否尽到对法律的责任，还是会忠于本性，狂野而执着地追寻正义？这就是你要传达的理念。这就是你的冲突。”衣橱指向图纸，“这就是你的服装。”

“那我的双相障碍呢？”瑞恩已经兴奋得晕乎乎了，“我的双相障碍，你打算怎么处理？”

“我们把你的金属面具涂成银色和黑色，光明与黑暗共存，却永不交融！”

“我皈依了！信奉你才是唯一的正道！”

“天啊，现在这种人有两个了。”菲利克斯抱怨道，“我们完蛋了。”

“那我呢？”熊猫满怀希望地问，“你能做一套配得上熊猫这身威风的服装吗？”

“当然能！”衣橱热情地回答，“我想让你裸着上身，胸前挂两条子弹带。”

“子弹带？”蒂米的脸顿时垮了下来，“可我不会开枪啊！”

“重点不是你会不会用。”瑞恩点拨他，“重点是看起来够帅！”

“没错！”衣橱一边赞同，一边画起新的草图，“所以我的方案是：胸前两条子弹带，一顶绿色贝雷帽，能随你的变身调整大小的黑色短裤，也许再加一副墨镜。你不再只是一只熊猫。你是兰博熊猫，你的种族最后的幸存者，为了未来而战，永不休止！”

她把草图展示给大家看，连瑞恩也不得不承认，这只中国熊还真是够爷们儿。他看了一眼衣橱，想到莫蒂默竟敢杀害这位上天赐给人类的瑰宝，心中不由一阵难过。

“你是国宝，必须得到保护。”瑞恩对衣橱说，“而且你一定会得到保护！我发誓！”

“哦，谢谢！”她露出灿烂的笑容，“没关系，大家经常这么说！”

“我……穿上这个，我终于能让姑娘们刮目相看了。”熊猫望着那套服装，彻底入了迷。“那车呢？我们能有一辆熊猫战车吗？”

“儿童市场部已经在着手处理了。”衣橱笑眯眯地向两人保证，“那么，服装你们还满意吗？当然满意啦。只要你们确认，我一个小时内就能把设计变成实物。”

“满意，满意，满意！”瑞恩热切地说，“然后我们就去锈镇巡逻！”

“巡逻？”熊猫和原子猫异口同声地问。

“当然啦，新服装总得拿到实战里试试。”瑞恩振振有词，“就像给船做下水洗礼，只不过用的是敌人的血，不是酒。”

“你究竟打算干什么？”原子猫有些怀疑地问，“去锈镇找超能帮打架？”

“呃，对啊？”

“可师父，培训会怎么办？”熊猫忧心忡忡地问。他一定是觉得，缺席会影响自己成为至优者成员的机会。“我们还没完成训练呢！”

“傲慢的小徒弟，你还没看清真相！”瑞恩对搭档说道，“我们必须直面邪恶，而不是等它找上门来！真正的修行，是独立思考！”

“是，师父！我明白了，师父！”熊猫把手按在胸前，“熊猫会支持你，就像你支持熊猫一样！”

“这才对嘛。”瑞恩拍了拍这位绿系基因者的背，又看向一脸困惑的菲利克斯。“你也想来吗？不过我车里可没猫砂。”

“我？”菲利克斯猫有点拿不准地问。

“就是你，原子猫，这可是为你好。”瑞恩劝道，从椅子上站起来，双手搭在这个年轻人的肩上。“男人的一生中，总有那么一刻，他必须亲手掌握自己的未来！他必须挣脱公司等级制度的枷锁，挺身而出，坚持正义！”

“能请你别再侵犯我的私人空间了吗？”菲利克斯问着，向椅背靠去。

“他们会榨干你的，菲利克斯！”瑞恩继续说，完全无视了这位英雄的抗拒。“像挤奶牛一样榨干你！他们会收割你的快乐，把它变成钱，直到你所代表的只剩下一个品牌！他们会用长达一个半小时的公司宣传视频摧毁你，让你沉迷咖啡和工作餐，再拿会计行话给你洗脑——”

“说到视频那儿，你就已经说服我了。”菲利克斯打断瑞恩，把他推开。“你知道吗，虽然你显然是停药了，可你说得有道理。早该有人出面，对付这座城市里疯魔这颗毒瘤了。挺身而出，坚持正义？这话我爱听。”

“哦，我也能一起去吗？”衣橱一如既往地热情，“团队出游可有意思了！”

“你确定不用批准，就能离开工作室？”原子猫问。

“等我们拍完新的双足飞龙电影，我下周就会正式加入职业组了。”衣橱高兴地说，“我已经有外勤许可了。这将是我在新人组的最后一次冒险！”

“既然如此，”瑞恩竖起一根手指，指向天花板，“上快存战车！”

---

几个小时后，瑞恩穿着崭新的服装，开车穿行在锈镇的街道上。衣橱坐在他身旁，而原子猫那个时尚灾难，则和全新升级的熊猫一起占据了后座。

“真是个垃圾堆。”原子猫望着窗外说。不管哪一轮循环，都从没有人能习惯锈镇。连熊猫——熊猫——似乎都被那扑面而来的破败腐朽气息震慑住了。“比我想的还糟。”

“是啊，这里……这里实在太糟了。”衣橱承认道，手指不安地动着。“我明白他们为什么不让新人来这里巡逻了。”

“衣橱。”瑞恩脑中闪过一个逗趣的念头，开口道。

“什么事，快存？”她说着，往他的座位凑近了些。

“只要不受版权保护，你就能变成任何人物形象，对吧？不论虚构还是真实？那是不是说，你能变成……”

他在她耳边低声说出了那个可怕的名字。

“能啊，那是我的‘末日套装’。”衣橱点点头，“不过它太危险了，除非到了万事皆休的时候，否则不能用。我觉得要是穿得太久，我可能会毁灭世界。”

瑞恩非得见她穿上那套服装不可。这种机会一辈子只有一次。“你能扮成上帝吗？”后排的菲利克斯问道，“那可就强得离谱了。”

“呃，勉强算能吧？”衣橱有些不好意思地承认，“不过实际上，扮成大多数神明时，我都做不了多少事。一个人物形象越明确，我就越容易掌握。大家对上帝能做什么、不能做什么意见不一，甚至连他长什么样都没有共识，所以那个形象不怎么稳定。扮成耶稣或者摩西就容易多了。不过，我不能顶着同一个人物形象太久，否则我自己就会开始变成那个人。”

“所以，如果你扮成奥古斯都，就会开始像他那样思考？”瑞恩问。

“对，千万别，你多半会变成个天大的混蛋。”菲利克斯的话里满是恶毒的恨意。

“变成奥古斯都的感觉……该说是很奇怪吧？”衣橱承认道，“我不确定是因为他的能力，还是因为大家对他的印象，但我会变得非常冷漠，什么也感觉不到。比起活人，我更像是一尊雕像。我再也无法与其他人类产生共鸣。”

“我就知道。”菲利克斯耸耸肩，“知道他那刀枪不入的能力是怎么运作的吗？我还以为迪纳米斯会测试一下它的极限。”

“其实，我复制的并不是那些人或者他们的能力。”衣橱解释道，“我复制的是人们对他们的印象。比如，原著小说里的德古拉在阳光下走动完全没问题，但我却受不了日光，因为大家都觉得吸血鬼怕太阳。所以迪纳米斯也不确定我的体会到底有多可靠。”

瑞恩对此倒有保留。真正的奥古斯都和扮成他的衣橱，都能在时间暂停时行动。这么一想，这轮循环说不定是个难得的机会，能让他摸清闪电老爸的能力极限。

“你能扮成我吗？”熊猫热切地问。

“由纪子，他可是地球上最后一只熊猫。”瑞恩对这位当之无愧的时尚女神说道，“你能拯救整个物种！”

“恐怕不行。”衣橱有些难为情地承认，“你还不够有名。”

熊猫蔫了下去，瑞恩却满心期待地问：“那我呢？或者消除者？你能复制消除者吗？”

听他提起那个能消除能力的人，原子猫奇怪地看了快递员一眼，衣橱却显然根本不知道她是谁。“谁？不行，我只能复制那些扎根于人类集体意识中的人物形象。抱歉。”

呃，好吧，这下瑞恩对付心震的计划算是泡汤了。而且，如果没人知道瑞恩自身能力的真面目，衣橱也就无从模仿。可惜。

原子猫拿出手机，看了看屏幕，又把手机塞回口袋。他的心情明显变得更糟了。“怎么了，菲利克斯？”衣橱问道，显然很担心他。

“我那位姐妹，还有我前女友。”菲利克斯回答。

“哦，莉维娅？”瑞恩脱口问道。

“你怎么知道？黑棘告诉你的？”菲利克斯抱起胳膊，“对，是莉维娅。”

“哦，你以前有女朋友？”熊猫立刻来了兴趣，“你还爱她吗？”

“不，我们已经结束了。”菲利克斯直截了当地回答，伤感地望着窗外。“到头来，她总归还是把家族放在第一位，不管对错，甚至不管那对她自己好不好。我没法再妥协了。见过那些事之后，我做不到。”

“是啊，我完全明白你的意思。”瑞恩叹了口气，想起从前和血流一起度过的糟糕日子。他听见手机振响，便一只手查看消息，另一只手继续握着方向盘。这很不负责任，不过早在循环初期，他就已经精通了边开车边发短信这门艺术。

你有四十一条短信，来自：幸运女孩。

你有一条短信，来自：未知号码。

福尔图娜还真是锲而不舍。

等等。她对马蒂那小子死缠烂打，不就是因为他不肯接受她的示好吗？就跟这一轮的瑞恩一样……

他有种不祥的预感。

总之，他没点开那些消息，而是读了那个陌生号码发来的短信。内容只有一句话。

未知号码 ：橙子在鸡舍里。

瑞恩猛地踩下刹车，把所有人都吓了一跳。

“师父，开车的时候不该发短信！”熊猫在后座抱怨。

“抱歉，抱歉。”瑞恩一边回答，一边飞快地打字回复，随后掉头往孤儿院驶去。他满脑子都是疑问，却只给那个陌生号码发去了其中一个。

毛绒玩偶驯兽师：何时，何地？