同章对照

Ryan had had many awkward elevator moments in his life, but this one trumped them all.

“Is your life always like this?” Hazmat Girl asked Ryan, as they climbed multiple floors towards the bunker’s recreational area. They shared their lift with four plushies out for blood, with Sarin wisely looking away from the fluffy abominations.

“Do you know where they put my A-bomb?” the handsome courier answered with another question, holding a laser gun in one hand and a Bliss inhaler in the other.

Sarin looked at him in embarrassed silence, and then focused back on the elevator’s doors. Come to think of it, this run was a complete inversion of Ryan’s suicide run. Instead of fighting his way inside Mechron’s bunker, he murdered his way out. The circle was complete.

As the elevator doors opened and revealed a well-lit atrium, the group faced a scene of utter devastation. Frank had reached the recreational areas first, and gone on a rampage that eclipsed even Ryan’s suicide run.

The giant fought a dozen Dynamis thralls firing at him with laser weapons, none capable of harming the enraged Psycho. Psyshock stood at the other end of the atrium, desperately trying to figure a way out of this mess, while other members of the Meta-Gang had taken cover wherever they could.

“Frank, calm yourself!” Mosquito shouted, fearfully hiding behind a broken pool table with Rakshasa. The tigerlike Psycho had summoned hordes of gremlins, with the tiny creatures trying to climb on Frank’s back. “You’re going to bring down the whole place on us!”

“I knew McCarthy didn’t go far enough!” Frank shouted, before grabbing a Street Fighters arcade game and throwing it at the thralls. The projectile immediately killed three people in a devastating impact. “The red menace contaminated our precious bodily fluids!”

“No, not Capcom!” Ryan protested at the horrifying sight. He couldn’t care less about the pool table or the bar, but destroying an arcade game? It was sacrilege!

Sarin, the uncultured bore, had the exact opposite reaction. “Argh, the pool table! Frank, what the hell, we’ve only got one of those!”

“Sarin?” Rakshasa glanced back at Hazmat Girl and her partner. “What are you doing with the prisoner? What the hell is going on?”

“President Adam is dead, and we’re taking over,” Ryan explained, laser gun raised. “Democratically.”

“Let’s play!” the plushies said, before rushing into the melee. The gremlins assaulting Frank immediately recognized the fluffy creatures and fled in terror at their approach. Unfortunately for them, the possessed toys seemed to find as much joy in chasing them as attacking humans.

A woman made of ink, which Ryan recognized as Ink Machine, peeked over a bar counter’s ruins. “Adam’s dead?”

“They are the enemy!” Psyshock shouted, running out of cannon fodder to throw at Frank. “Mosquito, Ink Machine, get out of your hiding hole and capture them!”

“You betrayed democracy!” Frank snarled back.

“Choose your side, guys,” Sarin said, raising her hands at Psyshock to blast him. “We’ve got Frank and the juice. Get in line.”

Psypsy immediately realized the danger of a mutiny. “Only I have the Elixir connection!” he snarled, before lowering himself to avoid Frank throwing one of his thralls at him. “You will run out of knockoffs without me!”

“And you’ll run out of life first!” Sarin made a terrible wordplay as she blasted the brainjacker. He dodged the attack with a leap, the compressed air hitting a wall and causing the bunker to shake.

When the Psychos present hesitated, Ryan pointed at his boxers and threatened to unleash his ultimate weapon. “Don’t force me to flash you. You shall not survive.”

After a short glance at each other, Mosquito and Rakshasa immediately left their hideout... and charged at Psyshock, much to his anger. “Traitors!”

“Sorry, Psyshock, but I would rather be on your bad side than Frank’s!” Mosquito apologized before lunging at the brainjacker, while Rakshasa tackled a thrall. Inky Winky emerged from her hiding hole too and wisely joined the winning side. “At least we can kill you!”

Thank goodness, it wasn’t loyalty that bound the Meta-Gang together.

Raising a tentacle, Psyshock managed to throw Mosquito off him and fled out of the room. Leaving his minions to take care of the remaining mooks, Ryan immediately gave pursuit. After escaping the atrium, Psyshock reached a corridor with reinforced glass windows on both sides, shattering one and jumping through the hole.

The hangars below the junkyard were no more peaceful than the atrium, for the Black Elixir had managed to invade them; perhaps another elevator connected the lower levels to this floor. The creature rampaged in the hangar holding the Meta’s submarine with the technicians fleeing in panic. The giant slime had grown with each victim, now reaching five meters across in size.

Most importantly, Ryan noticed his Plymouth Fury near the submarine, its engine removed from the husk. “Shortie?” The courier muttered to himself, remembering that Psyshock sent Len to work among the thralls. Yet only the screams of the enslaved answered him.

Ryan glanced at the other hangar within reach, the one where Psyshock had fled. The nerve squid was making a desperate dash towards Mechron’s scorpion mech.

“Oh no you don’t!” Ryan said from the corridor above, freezing time and sniping the Psycho with his laser weapon. A light ray hit the Psycho when time resumed, blowing a hole in his brain. Unfortunately, the engineer closest to the mech started to undergo a terrifying transformation, Psyshock reshaping his body into his new vessel.

“You thief!” Ryan glanced at the corridor’s other end, which led to the bunker’s entrance. Acid Rain had climbed down inside alongside two hound drones. “I knew we should have gutted you first!”

“Sorry honey, no indoor rain on the weather report today,” Ryan replied before firing at her with his gun. Even though she couldn’t summon her poisonous downpour underground, Acid Rain still had sharp reflexes and managed to dodge the attack by diving to the side. She retaliated with a thrown knife, while the hound drones lunged at Ryan.

With no other way out, the time-traveler jumped through the broken window to escape and landed inside the mech’s hangar a few meters below. Two thralls guarding the area immediately fell upon him like a pack of hyenas; the blisters on their skin informed the courier they were Bliss addicts, abducted off the street, and transformed into brainwashed tools.

How many people had Psypsy enthralled since he arrived in New Rome? Every hour wasted on a run increased his kill-count.

Swearing to destroy the brainjacker as early as possible in his Perfect Run, Ryan regretfully opened fire back, though non-lethally. His weapon’s rays hit the addicts’ hands, forcing them to drop their guns, and he punched them both out cold.

Acid Rain prepared to jump into the hangar above him, only to take a blast of compressed air for her trouble. The powerful attack threw the teleporter through the glass window, and she crashed on the ground unconscious only a few steps away from Ryan.

Sarin emerged from the recreational area, and quickly blasted the hound drones before they could retaliate. “Get Psyshock, I’ve got your back!” she shouted to the courier.

“Sure, blow off steam as much as you want!” Ryan said, as he charged after Psyshock’s newest host. A thrall with a laser rifle attempted to intercept him, but the courier’s backup propelled him backward with a blast. Though Sarin couldn’t take a hit, she had a lot of firepower at her beck and call.

Soon, Ryan reached Mechron’s mech right as Psyshock had started climbing its metal hide. He probably intended to use it against Frank, even at the risk of destroying the bunker, but the courier wouldn’t let things get that far.

However, Psypsy had one last thrall emerge from below the mech and stand in Ryan’s way. The courier instantly froze in place, when he recognized her.

Len.

She must have been working on the mech when the battle started, for she wielded a small drill in her hands. Her beautiful eyes were devoid of emotions; Psyshock had drained her soul and left only a husk behind.

“Back off, Cesare,” the brainjacker warned, as Len put her drill against her left temple, “or I will have your beloved kill herself right before your eyes.”

Ryan froze in place at the odious threat. “I can bring her back,” he said, raising his laser gun raised at Psyshock. The bastard immediately had Len move in the line of fire.

“But you will always remember,” Psypsy taunted him. “Whenever you look at her from now on, you will see that moment flashing back before your eyes. The sight of her brain spilling out on the floor, because you wouldn’t back down.”

And he was right. The memory would haunt Ryan forever.

But he couldn’t look the other way.

His best friend’s index finger slowly pressed the trigger, and his heart skipped a beat. The courier froze time before Shortie could activate the drill, and rushed at her while the universe turned purple. Ryan felt sick in his stomach, for he never raised his hand against Len in any loop. The mere fact Psyshock forced him to do this, even to save her life, filled the courier with intense fury.

Tossing his laser gun aside, Ryan raised his free hand, joined his fingers, and quickly hit her multiple times in the carotid and aorta. It was a highly dangerous technique, with a strong chance of causing medical complications, but he didn’t know any other method to prevent her from harming herself.

When time resumed, Len collapsed. The strikes had temporarily blocked the blood influx to the brain, causing unconsciousness and making her drop the drill. Ryan carefully caught his best friend with his free hand and gently put her on the ground.

And of course, that bastard Psyshock used the opportunity to launch a tentacle straight at the courier’s skull.

Ryan dodged and froze time for two seconds. Leaving Len on the ground, he rose up and prepared the Bliss inhaler.

“You should have seen it coming from Shortie’s memories. I’ve been in this city for months, and yet you have never managed to possess me.” Ryan dodged the tentacle when time resumed, grabbed it with his free hand, and quickly pulled the metal squid down to earth. “Do you know why? Because for all of your vicious, cowardly tricks, I always beat you.”

Psyshock replied with a hateful snarl and a tentacled whip, but the time-traveler dodged with quick bursts of his time-stop.

“As your boss once said it…” Ryan quickly closed the gap and applied the inhaler to the brainjacker’s face. “Time to take your medicine.”

Psyshock took a full dose of Bliss to the face.

His tentacles thrashed around in panic, but as Enrique guessed, his mutated body made him especially vulnerable to brain-altering chemicals. Psyshock gasped and wriggled on the ground, his tentacles falling inert as the euphoric rush paralyzed him.

The courier kicked the brainjacker in the head, just to be sure he wouldn’t get up again, and then focused on Len. Thankfully, his friend was still breathing. She would need quick medical attention, but she would live.

“It’s okay, Shortie.” Ryan sat at his friend’s side, holding her close to his chest. The battle raged around them, plushies escaping into the bunker while Frank smashed a wall to get into the hangar. “I’ve got your back.”

He always did.

---

It took one more hour, but Ryan’s side eventually won the Meta-Gang’s civil war. Though one-sided slaughter might have been a better term.

Psyshock’s thralls had continued fighting even without the squid, but they were no match for the terrible host assembled before them. Unfortunately, while Ryan reined in the violence whenever he could, neither the plushies nor the Meta showed any mercy. Even if they were brainwashed tools, anyone fighting back was fair game. Only the Black Elixir had shown some restraint, as it didn’t finish off the wounded once they were no longer a threat to it.

It said something about plushies and mutants when a giant monstrous slime looked more merciful in comparison.

But in the end, once the dust settled down, the bunker belonged to Ryan.

“I know the transition from the previous administration has been difficult.” Standing atop Mechron’s mech with his hands behind his back, the courier looked over his audience of Psychos, orphaned children, plushies, and one slimy abomination. Though Psyshock did get rid of Ryan’s suit, he had found a black turtleneck and pants to wear. “The summary executions, the waterboarding sessions… but it’s all in the past now. For we successfully purged the leftist menace from our ranks!”

“Now, it is time to focus on the true enemy.” Frank the Mad nodded to himself, never losing sight of what mattered. “The Mexicans.”

“Exactly. And it is with great reluctance that I accept the role of President, and the unlimited emergency powers that come with it. Powers that I promise to give up once the crisis is over.” Ryan winked at his audience. “Honest.”

Twenty Meta-Gang members had survived the short civil war, either because they wisely sided with the winning side or outright surrendered. Ryan recognized most of them, from the Land to Mongrel, though not all. He would have all the time to exploit them in the following days.

They might be his new minions, but they were still assholes.

As for the plushies, they had each bonded to an orphan, keeping watch over them like jealous pets. They had also enslaved Rakshasa’s gremlins, forcing them to fawn over the children by whipping them with harvested intestines. Ryan had the Psycho summoner teleport more creatures as an offering to their plushie overlords, which seemed to satisfy their bloodlust… for now.

In short, the pecking order had been established.

“Hey, who made you the leader?” Ryan recognized the dissenter as the lizard Psycho he beat up at the orphanage, in the previous Dynamis run. Unfortunately, it seemed a few people disagreed with the new status quo. “You’re not even one of us! Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure you were a prisoner hours ago!”

Ryan looked at this rebel scum. “What’s your name, my scaled friend? The best I can come up with is ‘Mook.’”

“The Reptilian.”

How original, another conspiracy trying to take over the government! Who was next, the Illuminati? “I assure you that this is a democracy: one man, one vote.” Ryan put a hand on his chest. “I am the man, and I have the vote.”

“Women can’t be president,” Frank agreed, Sarin flipping him the bird in response.

“But if you’re skeptical about election results, let’s settle this.” The courier glanced at the audience. “If you want me in charge, raise your hand, or paw, or tentacle.”

“You’re my friend!” All the plushies raised a tiny paw, cautiously imitated by the frightened orphans; Sarin, Frank, and the wiser Psychos imitated them as well. Eventually, the Black Elixir formed a tentacle of goo with seven eyes at the tip to salute him.

“See?” The courier asked the Reptilian once he had secured an overwhelming majority. “Why vote for the lesser evil?”

“But—”

“I have a shoggoth,” Ryan interrupted this dissenter with a foolproof argument. “I am now president.”

The Reptilian glanced at the Black Elixir, finally understood his place, and submitted. “Yes.”

Ryan glared at this fool. “Yes who, handbag?”

The Psycho kept his head down. “Yes, Mr. President.”

“That’s better.” Ryan searched in his pocket, and brought out his secret weapon. “Of course, the new administration is nothing if not generous.”

A Dynamis-made, knockoff Elixir.

The Psychos present immediately looked at it with hunger. Even Sarin and Frank, whom Ryan was pretty sure couldn’t indulge in its consumption with their particular biology. The Elixirs within their blood probably caused a psychological craving.

Ryan dangled the knockoff at this pack of hungry hyenas, and then tossed it in their midst. Though they all reached a hand to grab it, Mosquito used his wings to grab it midair and immediately consumed it.

“Obey the government, pay your taxes, and everyone will benefit from our Elixicare,” Ryan said as Mosquito let out a moan of blissful pleasure, and the other Psychos snarls of frustration.

“What about the connection?” Ink Machine voiced her skepticism. “Only Psyshock knew how to contact the supplier.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Ryan said, already having a plan to deal with Dynamis. “The juice will flow.”

“It’d better do,” Inky Winky said, arms crossed. “Or I’m out of here.”

“Also, I only saved your ass for the cure you promised,” Sarin reminded Ryan of his campaign promises. “If you don’t follow through with our deal, I’ll blast you dead before you know what’s coming.”

“I… helped…” The Black Elixir’s alien voice startled most Psychos present, and especially the children. Everyone gave the creature a wide berth, even the plushies. “You… help me… now...”

“I assure you that unlike any other politician seen before, I will fulfill my electoral campaign’s promises. In fact, I will immediately make a few calls. We’re going to take this bunker by storm, and then...”

Ryan waved a hand at the ceiling. “The woooooorld!”

The people present exchanged glances, floored by their president’s grandiose vision. “The world?” The Reptilian asked, as if he already controlled it.

“The woooooorld,” Ryan corrected them.

Since the run was doomed from the get go, the courier could afford to throw safety out of the window, and try risky strategies that would work in the short-term. He would call in favors, even from people he would have rather avoided.

“What about Ma?” Little Sarah asked with a frown. “Will she… will she recover?”

“Uncle Ryan has a plan to cure your mommy,” the courier reassured her. Len and the surviving thralls had been heavily sedated, until Ryan could figure out a way to undo their brainwashing; Acid Rain too, since he had questions for her. Psyshock would be kept in a drugged haze until the courier found a way to throw him at Cancel, which shouldn’t take long. “Just be patient. Everything will be alright.”

“So what next, Boss?” Sarin asked, arms crossed.

“First I will nominate you as my vice-president, because we believe in gender equality.” Ryan glanced at the Black Elixir. “Our goo friend will become secretary of state, to fill out the alien minority quota. Agent Frank will ensure the people respect the government’s will.”

“Yes, Mr. President,” the agent nodded, the perfect patriot.

“Rakshasa, you will keep summoning gremlins to pacify our plushie overlords.” Though every plushie had bonded to a child and none had escaped the bunker, Ryan knew very well this was only the calm before the storm. As soon as they ran out of gremlins to kill, the creatures would multiply and take over the surface world. Hopefully, he could delay the plushipocalypse by a few days. “Reptilian, you’re going to the orphanage to bring me my cat back.”

“A cat?” the lizard asked, surprised by the order.

“A Persian cat, with white fur and pure blue eyes,” Ryan explained. “Spoiler warning, we’re going to ham it up and chew the scenery.”

They had a secret base and access to a doomsday weapon. The signs were painted on the wall.

It was time for Ryan to go full Bond Villain.

瑞恩这辈子在电梯里经历过不少尴尬场面，但都比不上这一次。

“你的生活一直都是这样的吗？”防化服姑娘问瑞恩。他们正乘电梯连上数层，前往地堡的休闲区。同乘的还有四只杀气腾腾的毛绒玩偶，沙林明智地移开目光，不去看这些毛茸茸的怪物。

“你知道他们把我的原子弹放哪儿了吗？”英俊的快递员用另一个问题作答，一手握着激光枪，一手拿着极乐吸入器。

沙林尴尬地默默看了他一眼，又把视线转回电梯门上。仔细想想，这一轮完全是瑞恩自杀那一轮的反面。上次他一路杀进梅克隆的地堡，这次则是一路杀出去。这下首尾呼应了。

电梯门打开，露出灯火通明的中庭，迎接他们的是一片狼藉。弗兰克已经先一步抵达休闲区，大闹一场，破坏程度连瑞恩自杀的那一轮都望尘莫及。

巨人正与十来个迪纳米斯奴仆交战。那些人不断用激光武器向他开火，却全都伤不了这个暴怒的疯魔。心震站在中庭另一端，绞尽脑汁想摆脱这场烂摊子，超能帮的其他成员则各自找地方躲了起来。

“弗兰克，冷静！”蚊子喊道，满心惊惧地和罗刹躲在一张坏掉的台球桌后。那个老虎模样的疯魔召出了一大群小魔怪，这些小东西正试图爬上弗兰克的后背。“你要把整个地方拆了，把我们都埋进去吗！”

“我就知道麦卡锡做得还不够彻底！”弗兰克吼道，抓起一台《街头霸王》街机，砸向那些奴仆。这枚投掷物威力惊人，当场砸死了三个人。“红色威胁污染了我们宝贵的体液！”

“不，别砸卡普空！”目睹如此惨状，瑞恩出声抗议。台球桌也好，吧台也罢，他才懒得管，可砸毁一台街机？这是亵渎！

沙林这个没文化的无趣女人，反应却恰恰相反。“啊，台球桌！弗兰克，你搞什么鬼，我们就这一张！”

“沙林？”罗刹回头看向防化服姑娘和她的同伴。“你怎么跟俘虏在一起？这他妈到底怎么回事？”

“亚当总统死了，现在由我们接管。”瑞恩举着激光枪解释道，“以民主的方式。”

“来玩吧！”毛绒玩偶们说着，冲进了混战。围攻弗兰克的小魔怪立刻认出了这些毛茸茸的生物，一见它们靠近，就吓得四散奔逃。可惜，对那些被附身的玩具而言，追杀小魔怪似乎和袭击人类一样有趣。

一个由墨水构成的女人从吧台的残骸后探出头来，瑞恩认出她是墨水机器。“亚当死了？”

“他们才是敌人！”心震喊道，能拿来对付弗兰克的炮灰已经快用光了。“蚊子，墨水机器，从你们藏身的耗子洞里滚出来，抓住他们！”

“你背叛了民主！”弗兰克咆哮着回应。

“各位，选边吧。”沙林抬起双手瞄准心震，准备轰他。“我们有弗兰克，还有药。都给我站好队。”

小心心立刻意识到哗变的危险。“只有我有灵药进货的门路！”他厉声道，随即压低身体，躲过弗兰克扔向他的一个奴仆。“没有我，你们的山寨货迟早耗光！”

“你的命会先耗光！”沙林回了句烂透了的文字游戏，同时朝劫脑者轰出一击。他纵身躲开，压缩空气撞上墙壁，震得地堡一阵摇晃。

见在场的疯魔仍在犹豫，瑞恩指着自己的平角内裤，威胁要亮出终极武器。“别逼我脱裤子。你们会没命的。”

蚊子和罗刹短暂地对视一眼，立刻离开藏身处……冲向心震，把他气得不轻。“叛徒！”

“对不住了，心震，可比起得罪弗兰克，我宁可得罪你！”蚊子道了声歉，随即扑向劫脑者，罗刹则撞倒了一个奴仆。墨墨丁丁也从藏身处现身，明智地加入了胜券在握的一方。“至少我们还能杀得了你！”

谢天谢地，维系超能帮的并不是什么忠诚。

心震扬起一条触手，终于把蚊子从身上甩开，逃出了房间。瑞恩把剩下的小喽啰交给手下处理，立即追了上去。心震逃离中庭，来到一条两侧都有强化玻璃窗的走廊，打碎其中一扇，从破口跳了出去。

废料场下面的机库也没比中庭太平多少，因为黑色灵药已经闯了进来；或许还有另一部电梯把下层和这一层连在一起。那怪物在停放超能帮潜艇的机库里横冲直撞，技术人员惊慌逃窜。这团巨型黏液每吞噬一个受害者就壮大几分，如今已经有五米宽了。

最重要的是，瑞恩在潜艇附近发现了自己的普利茅斯“狂怒”，引擎已经从车壳里拆了出来。“小矮个？”快递员喃喃道，记起心震曾把蕾恩派去和奴仆一起干活。然而，回答他的只有那些被奴役者的惨叫。

瑞恩看向近旁的另一座机库，也就是心震逃进去的那一座。那只神经鱿鱼正拼命冲向梅克隆的蝎形机甲。

“想都别想！”瑞恩站在上方的走廊里说着，暂停时间，用激光武器瞄准疯魔开火。时间恢复流动时，一道光束击中疯魔，在他脑子上轰出一个窟窿。不幸的是，离机甲最近的工程师开始发生可怕的变异，心震正把他的身体重塑成自己的新躯壳。

“你这小偷！”瑞恩瞥向走廊另一头，那里通往地堡入口。酸雨带着两台猎犬无人机，从上面下来了。“我就知道，当初就该先把你开膛破肚！”

“抱歉啊，亲爱的，今天天气预报没说室内有雨。”瑞恩说着，举枪朝她射击。尽管在地下无法召来剧毒暴雨，酸雨的反应依然敏捷，向旁边一扑便躲开了攻击。她甩出一把飞刀反击，两台猎犬无人机同时扑向瑞恩。

眼看无路可走，时间旅行者只得跳出破窗脱身，落进下方几米处停着机甲的机库。两名看守此处的奴仆立刻像鬣狗一样扑了上来；他们皮肤上的水疱告诉快递员，这两人是极乐瘾君子，被从街头掳来，洗脑成了工具。

来到新罗马以后，小心心到底奴役了多少人？每一轮多耽搁一个小时，他手里就会多添几条人命。

瑞恩发誓，等到完美通关那一轮，一定要尽早干掉这个劫脑者。他满心不忍地开枪还击，却避开了要害。武器射出的光束击中两名瘾君子的手，逼他们丢掉枪，接着他挥拳将两人全部打昏。

酸雨在他上方正准备跳进机库，却迎面挨了一发压缩空气炮。这记重击把瞬移者轰穿玻璃窗，摔在离瑞恩仅几步远的地上，当场昏死过去。

沙林从休闲区出来，抢在猎犬无人机反击前迅速将它们轰飞。“去抓心震，我掩护你！”她朝快递员喊道。

“好，你想出多少气就出多少气！”瑞恩说着，冲向心震最新的宿主。一名端着激光步枪的奴仆试图拦截，快递员的后援一炮便将他轰了回去。沙林虽然不经打，能调动的火力却着实惊人。

很快，瑞恩便来到梅克隆的机甲旁，此时心震刚开始沿着金属外壳向上爬。他大概打算用这东西对付弗兰克，哪怕为此毁掉地堡也在所不惜，可快递员不会让事态发展到那一步。

然而，小心心让最后一名奴仆从机甲底下钻出，挡在瑞恩面前。认出她的瞬间，快递员僵在了原地。

蕾恩。

战斗开始时，她想必正在修理机甲，因为她手里还拿着一把小电钻。那双美丽的眼睛里没有一丝感情；心震抽干了她的灵魂，只留下了一具空壳。

“退后，切萨雷。”劫脑者警告道，蕾恩将电钻抵住了自己的左太阳穴，“否则，我就让你的心上人在你眼前自杀。”

这卑鄙的威胁让瑞恩钉在原地。“我能把她带回来。”他说着，举起激光枪瞄准心震。那混蛋立刻让蕾恩挪到枪口前。

“但你会永远记得。”小心心嘲弄道，“从今往后，你每次看着她，眼前都会闪过这一幕。就因为你不肯退让，她的脑浆洒了一地。”

他说得没错。这段记忆会纠缠瑞恩一辈子。

可他不能坐视不理。

他最好的朋友正缓缓用食指扣下扳机，他的心跳漏了一拍。赶在小矮个启动电钻之前，快递员暂停了时间，在化作紫色的宇宙中冲向她。瑞恩胃里一阵翻搅，无论哪一轮，他都不曾对蕾恩动过手。仅仅是心震逼他这样做这件事，就足以让快递员燃起强烈的怒火——哪怕这是为了救她的命。

瑞恩将激光枪扔到一旁，抬起腾出来的那只手，并拢手指，迅速朝她的颈动脉和主动脉连击数下。这种手法极其危险，很可能引发并发症，但他不知道还有什么别的办法能阻止她伤害自己。

时间恢复流动，蕾恩瘫倒下来。那些打击暂时阻断了大脑的血液供应，让她失去意识，电钻也脱手落下。瑞恩小心地用空着的手接住自己最好的朋友，轻轻将她放到地上。

当然，心震那混蛋也没放过这个机会，一条触手直刺快递员的头颅。

瑞恩闪身躲避，将时间暂停了两秒。他把蕾恩留在地上，站起身，准备好极乐吸入器。

“你早该从小矮个的记忆里看到这个下场。我在这座城里待了好几个月，可你一次也没能占据我的身体。”时间恢复流动，瑞恩躲过触手，用空着的手一把抓住，迅速将那只金属鱿鱼拽回地面。“知道为什么吗？因为不管你耍多少阴毒怯懦的花招，我总能打败你。”

心震满怀恨意地嘶吼一声，挥动触手抽来，时间旅行者却接连短暂地暂停时间，躲开了攻击。

“借用你老大说过的话……”瑞恩迅速逼近，将吸入器按在劫脑者脸上。“该吃药了。”

心震结结实实挨了一整剂极乐。

他的触手惊慌地四处乱甩，可正如恩里克推测的那样，这副变异身体让他对影响大脑的化学物质格外敏感。心震倒在地上，喘息着扭动身体，汹涌的欣快感让他陷入瘫痪，触手也软软地垂了下去。

快递员朝劫脑者头上踢了一脚，确保他不会再爬起来，这才将注意力转回蕾恩身上。谢天谢地，他的朋友还在呼吸。她得尽快接受治疗，但能活下来。

“没事了，小矮个。”瑞恩在朋友身边坐下，将她搂在怀中。四周的战斗仍在继续，毛绒玩偶们往地堡里面窜去，弗兰克则砸开一面墙，闯进机库。“有我护着你。”

他一直都护着她。

---

又过了一个小时，瑞恩这一方终于赢下了超能帮的内战。不过，称之为单方面屠杀或许更贴切。

没了那只鱿鱼，心震的奴仆仍在继续战斗，但根本敌不过眼前集结的可怕大军。遗憾的是，尽管瑞恩一有机会就会约束暴行，毛绒玩偶和超能帮却都毫不留情。即使对方只是被洗脑的工具，只要敢反抗，就杀无赦。唯有黑色灵药还表现出了几分克制：伤员不再对它构成威胁后，它便不去补刀了。

一只怪物般的巨型史莱姆，对比之下竟显得更仁慈，足以说明这群毛绒玩偶和变种人是什么德行。

但无论如何，尘埃落定之时，地堡归瑞恩了。

“我知道，从上届政府过渡至今，过程并不轻松。”快递员双手背在身后，站在梅克隆的机甲顶端，俯视着自己的听众：疯魔、孤儿、毛绒玩偶，以及一只黏糊糊的怪物。心震虽把瑞恩的套装处理掉了，他还是找到了一件黑色高领衫和一条长裤穿上。“未经审判的处决，一场场水刑……但这些都已经过去。因为我们成功肃清了队伍中的左派威胁！”

“现在，是时候集中精力对付真正的敌人了。”疯子弗兰克兀自点头，始终不忘头等大事。“墨西哥人。”

“没错。因此，我只能极不情愿地接受总统的职位，以及随之而来的无限紧急权力。我保证，等危机一过，就会放弃这些权力。”瑞恩朝听众眨了眨眼。“真的。”

二十名超能帮成员在这场短暂的内战中活了下来，要么是明智地加入了胜利的一方，要么是干脆投降。瑞恩认得其中大多数，从大地到杂种都有，但也有几个不认识的。接下来几天里，他有的是时间好好利用他们。

这些人虽然成了他的新手下，却依然是一群混蛋。

至于毛绒玩偶，每只都认定了一个孤儿，像嫉妒心极强的宠物一样寸步不离地守着。它们还奴役了罗刹的小魔怪，用抽出来的肠子作鞭子，逼那些小东西讨孩子们欢心。瑞恩让这个召唤型疯魔再传送些生物过来，献给他们的毛绒霸主。这似乎满足了它们的嗜血欲望……暂时如此。

简而言之，尊卑次序已经确立了。

“喂，谁让你当老大了？”瑞恩认出了这个异议者：在此前为迪纳米斯效力的那一轮里，他曾在孤儿院揍过这个蜥蜴疯魔。可惜，看来还是有人不接受新的局面。“你连我们的人都不是！仔细想想，我敢肯定，几个小时前你还是个俘虏！”

瑞恩看着这个叛乱渣滓。“你叫什么名字，我这位长鳞片的朋友？我能想到最适合你的名字就是‘杂兵’。”

“蜥蜴人。”

真有创意，又来了个阴谋论里的东西想接管政府！下一个是谁，光明会？“我向你保证，这儿实行民主制：一人一票。”瑞恩将手放在胸口。“我就是那个男人，那一票也归我。”

“女人不能当总统。”弗兰克表示赞同，沙林回敬了他一根中指。

“不过，如果你对选举结果有所怀疑，那咱们就解决一下。”快递员扫视听众。“希望由我掌权的，请举手，或者举爪，或者举触手。”

“你是我的朋友！”所有毛绒玩偶都举起了一只小爪子，吓坏了的孤儿们小心翼翼地跟着举手；沙林、弗兰克，以及那些比较识相的疯魔也照做了。最后，黑色灵药凝出一条黏液触手，尖端长着七只眼睛，向他致意。

“看见了？”取得压倒性多数后，快递员问蜥蜴人，“干吗非要投给两害之中较轻的那个？”

“可是——”

“我有一只修格斯。”瑞恩用无懈可击的论据打断了这个异议者，“所以现在，我是总统。”

蜥蜴人瞥了一眼黑色灵药，终于摆正位置，低头服从。“是。”

瑞恩瞪着这个蠢货。“是，什么？说全了，手提包。”

疯魔低着头。“是，总统先生。”

“这才像话。”瑞恩在口袋里摸了摸，掏出自己的秘密武器。“当然，新政府最大的美德，就是慷慨。”

一瓶迪纳米斯制造的山寨灵药。

在场的疯魔立刻饥渴地望向它。连沙林和弗兰克也不例外，尽管瑞恩相当确定，以他们特殊的身体构造，根本没法享用这东西。血液里的灵药大概让他们产生了心理上的渴求。

瑞恩朝这群饥饿的鬣狗晃了晃山寨货，随后将它抛进人群。他们纷纷伸手争抢，蚊子却靠着翅膀在半空中截住，立刻一饮而尽。

“服从政府，按时纳税，人人都能享受我们的灵药医保。”瑞恩说道，蚊子发出快活的呻吟，其他疯魔则不甘地低吼。

“进货门路怎么办？”墨水机器提出质疑。“只有心震知道怎么联系供货人。”

“我来处理。”瑞恩说道，心里已经有了应付迪纳米斯的计划。“药不会断。”

“最好是这样。”墨墨丁丁双臂交叉，“不然我就走人。”

“还有，我救你这混蛋，只是为了你答应给我的疗法。”沙林提醒瑞恩别忘了竞选承诺。“要是你不履行约定，我会把你轰死，让你连反应都来不及。”

“我……帮过了……”黑色灵药那非人的声音吓了在场大部分疯魔一跳，孩子们更是如此。所有人都离这生物远远的，连毛绒玩偶也不例外。“你……帮我……现在……”

“我向各位保证，我和以往所有政客都不同，一定会兑现竞选承诺。事实上，我马上就会打几个电话。我们要一鼓作气攻下这座地堡，然后……”

瑞恩朝天花板挥了挥手。“全——世——界！”

众人面面相觑，被总统的宏伟愿景震住了。“全世界？”蜥蜴人问道，仿佛全世界早已归他管了似的。

“全——世——界。”瑞恩纠正他们。

既然这一轮从开头就已经完蛋了，快递员大可以把安全顾虑抛到九霄云外，尝试那些能在短期内奏效的冒险策略。他会动用人情，甚至去找那些他原本宁愿避开的人。

“那妈妈呢？”小莎拉皱着眉问道，“她会……她能恢复吗？”

“瑞恩叔叔有办法治好你妈妈。”快递员安慰她。在瑞恩想出解除洗脑的办法之前，蕾恩和幸存的奴仆都被注射了大剂量镇静剂；酸雨也一样，因为他有问题要问她。心震则会一直被药物弄得昏昏沉沉，直到快递员找到办法将他扔给消除者，应该花不了多久。“耐心一点。一切都会好起来的。”

“那接下来呢，老大？”沙林抱着双臂问道。

“首先，我要提名你为我的副总统，因为我们信奉性别平等。”瑞恩瞥向黑色灵药。“我们的黏液朋友将出任国务卿，填补外星少数族裔的名额。弗兰克特工负责确保人民尊重政府的意志。”

“是，总统先生。”特工点头，堪称爱国者的典范。

“罗刹，你继续召唤小魔怪，安抚我们的毛绒霸主。”尽管每只毛绒玩偶都认定了一个孩子，也没有哪只逃出地堡，但瑞恩很清楚，这不过是暴风雨前的宁静。一旦没有小魔怪可杀，它们就会繁殖，接管地表世界。只希望他能把毛绒末日拖后几天。“蜥蜴人，你去孤儿院，把我的猫带回来。”

“猫？”蜥蜴人问道，显然没料到会接到这种命令。

“一只波斯猫，白毛，眼睛是纯蓝色的。”瑞恩解释道，“剧透警告：接下来咱们要放开了演，演得要多浮夸有多浮夸。”

他们有一座秘密基地，还能动用一件末日武器。种种迹象已经再明显不过。

是时候让瑞恩彻底化身邦德电影里的大反派了。