同章对照

None dared to move, as Sarin pointed her gauntlets at the group. Energy built up within her hands, ready to unleash mighty shockwaves.

Truth be told, Ryan didn’t fear his rebellious VP. He could easily stop time and defeat her. However, they were in an enclosed space with Knockoffs kept in vats nearby; if she unleashed a shockwave and splattered the courier with the substance, even by accident...

“So, it’s treason then?” Ryan joked. “You know you will get impeached for this defiance, right?”

“You’re the traitor!” Sarin threatened him with her gauntlet. “You promised me to find a cure! I’ve believed you, killed for you, and now… and now you can’t follow through with it, you’re going to turn back!”

“Sarin, darling, there are others in the ro—”

“I won’t let you time-travel again,” Sarin snarled, uncaring. “Not until you cure me first. Even if it takes you months, I won’t let you go back until it’s done.”

Ryan tensed, and glanced at the other people in the room. Livia remained unperturbed, probably using her power on Sarin to find a way out. And Alchemo...

He wasn’t surprised.

“You knew,” Ryan said. “You bastard, you listened at the door when I told you not to.”

Every time the courier found the strength to trust that brain-in-a-jar, he found a new and interesting way to betray his confidence.

“I did no such thing,” Alchemo replied, though he sounded apologetic. “But when you wanted me to upload that girl’s memory map…”

“You checked her memories,” Ryan realized, infuriated. The Genius could harvest and read memories from others. “Like Psyshock.”

“I had to, to make sure there was no sabotage left,” Alchemo defended himself. “I am not the wronged party here, meatbag. Why didn’t you tell us, you selfish brat? After everything my daughter and I did for you?”

“Because I told you once!” Ryan snarled, raising a finger at Alchemo. “And you betrayed my trust! You went mad and tried to extract my brain, to prevent me from reloading!”

The Genius stumbled back as if he had been slapped.

“Tea had to finish me off mid-procedure, to spare me from decades of imprisonment,” Ryan continued. “You couldn’t live with the knowledge that you would forget everything.”

“Because you’re killing us, asshole!” Sarin snarled. “You’re playing with our lives!”

“That is not how it works, Sarin,” Livia spoke up, completely calm. “This is your psychosis talking, not you. I understand you must feel desperate—”

“You can’t understand me, jackass. You can’t even understand what it is to be me.” Sarin clenched her fists. “Six months.”

The Psycho let out these words like bullets, like a heavy secret she finally found the courage to get off her chest.

“The first time… the first time I gained my powers, the wind dispersed me,” she admitted. “I… I didn’t know how my power worked very well, so it took me months to pull myself together. Months to find a container I didn’t rust on contact. So no, you don’t understand what it is to be me. To feel nothing, to see people have sex and eat food and sleep and just watch!”

By now she was screaming.

“You can’t understand being separated from the world outside by this cloth prison. You can’t understand being afraid of any blade around you, in case one breaches the one thing keeping you in one piece! I’ve spent years like this!”

“And you spent those years hanging out with Adam and letting him sow misery wherever he went,” Ryan replied, his tone icy. “I’ve watched you stand by his side after he burnt all of New Rome to cinders. Did you stand by his side when he force-fed Helen an Elixir? Would you have let him turn me into a Psycho, if I couldn’t turn back time?”

“I…” To her credit, Hazmat Girl faltered a little at his words, but not enough to take responsibility. “I had no choice! Nobody else would help, and when I was in, he wouldn’t let me go!”

Ryan didn’t buy that excuse. “You always have a choice, even if some will cost you more than others.” He knew that from experience. “You just weren’t brave enough to take a stand. And unlike Frank, Mongrel, or Acid Rain, you can’t claim insanity. You’re entirely lucid.”

The courier felt some sympathy for her situation, and he owed her one for helping him so far, but it didn’t even begin to make up for her actions. He would cure her, but he wouldn’t forget.

“Sarin, we are working on a solution,” Livia promised, her tone soft and diplomatic. “We have gone further than what Adam the Ogre ever promised you. But we need more time.”

“It’s always more time,” she said, skeptical. “Adam said that too. Next time’s the charm.”

“I promised that I would cure you, and I will,” Ryan swore. “But you have seen the corpses outside, the people Ghoul killed before I could stop him. This timeline is spiraling towards greater destruction.”

“But we’re alive!” Sarin protested. “Helen, Mongrel, Frank… you can cure us, if you keep going. But you’re going to run! You gave us all hope, and you’re to throw us all away! Who gives you the right to let us all die so you can get a new chance, huh?”

“Who gave it to you?” Ryan argued. “I have some compassion for your airheadedness, but don’t push me. I didn’t ask for this power, but I made the best of it. I can achieve an outcome where everyone is happy, you included.”

“Not me. Another me. If you follow through with your promise and don’t forget us. You hold all the freaking cards!”

“If that’s what you fear, we could copy your memories,” Livia suggested, hopeful. “I can store as many brainmaps as needed.”

“I have air for a head,” Sarin pointed out. “What brain can you copy? If you die now, I die too!”

“Then why are you threatening me?” Ryan pointed out. “What do you think it will achieve?”

The Psycho froze in place.

“You haven’t thought that far,” Livia said. “Because you are not thinking straight, Sarin. Lower your gauntlets, and let us talk it out.”

The Psycho didn’t listen. “I’m sick of words,” she said, pointing both her gauntlets at Ryan. “You’re all talk and no action, like Adam. Cure me now, or I’ll kill you.”

“I will come back,” the courier replied. The words sounded bitter in his mouth.

“But you won’t bring anyone else back. No more transfers. Your amphibian girlfriend, she’s not going back either. If I die, she dies too.”

Ryan tensed up, but Livia reacted quicker. “All you will do is ruin your chances of ever being cured,” she said. “Because you won’t stop him, and he will remember. Has he abused your trust so far?”

“Trust? That’s what I should do, trust?” Sarin trembled. “Why?”

Ryan broke his silence. “Because that’s all you have left!”

The Psycho opened fire.

A blast of compressed air hit the wall behind Ryan, passing within an inch of his head and forcing a hole into the thick steel. He didn’t flinch, nor did he move.

“Fuck!”

Sarin collapsed to her knees, hitting the ground twice with her fists. She had raised her white flag. “I… I just don’t want to die… I want to live...”

“Sarin, you will live,” Ryan said, his tone softening a little. “I swear, by the end of it, you will have a happy ending.”

“My name is not Sarin, you jerk…” she hissed, her voice full of bitterness. “Don’t you get it? I don’t want to be Sarin! I don’t want to be that! I can’t stand it, and I want my life back!”

Ryan hesitated for a moment, before kneeling next to her and putting a hand on her shoulder. He felt nothing inside the hazmat suit, except compressed air. “I swear I will cure you all,” he said. “But you’re not the only person on my Christmas list. Your turn will come, even if I have to repeat the same month for years, but you shall wait for it.”

She didn’t push him away, which he took for a good sign.

Alchemo, who had watched things unfold without a word, finally found his tongue again. Or vocal device, in his case. “Meatbag, is that… is that why you left us without a word?” he asked. “Because of what I did?”

Ryan shrugged. “I couldn’t stand the sight of you anymore after that. And once this loop is done, I hope I won’t see you again. I’ll consider your favor settled, and you won’t hear from me.”

The Genius looked down at the cold hard floor, and then up. “No, Ryan.”

“I’m sorry?”

“No,” Alchemo repeated, ignoring the courier’s glare. “That was another me having a moment of weakness. I am not the person he was. We were one once, but we developed differently.”

“You are who you are on your worst day,” Ryan replied. “It revealed what you are, deep inside.”

“I am who I am on my best days too, meatbag. And every day of my life.” The cyborg shook his head. “I am a cynical old man who had to make a robot daughter, because he drove everyone else away. There, I said it. I was angry when you left, and it hurt the Doll. But… It made me question myself. Made me try to do better.”

“Better for you,” the courier accused him.

“No,” the Genius replied calmly. “Not just for me. For the Doll too. She wanted to help others, so I did. I can help you, and that gaseous girl. Maybe she doesn’t have a brain, but she can form memories. I can figure it out, make a copy of her mind. Do the same for me, and others.”

“I don’t trust you,” Ryan replied. “And the more people who know about my power, the greater the danger.”

“Yet you expect us to trust you unconditionally!” Alchemo snarled back.

“Ryan,” Livia said, putting a hand on the courier’s shoulder. “You didn’t trust me either once.”

“Trust is earned,” Ryan countered.

“Then let me copy the Doll’s memories and take them with you,” Alchemo said. “You may not like me, meatbag, but she loved you… much to my annoyance. If we never meet again, my daughter will never find closure. You’ll just leave a gaping hole.”

“Whether you like it or not, you have people who care for and rely on you, Ryan,” Livia said, glancing at a despairing Sarin. “You don’t have to leave them all behind. I can understand the risks, but… is it worth driving into the sunset without looking back, again and again?”

Right in the gut.

Ryan looked at Sarin, and his mind wandered back in time. Back when he drove away from Monaco after freeing its prisoners. How he left behind people with whom he had shared a lifetime, never to take it back. He remembered Spain, France, Italy, all the places he visited, all the communities he helped but never stayed with.

The courier could do the same with Rome, achieving his Perfect Run with Len and leaving the place afterward. No one would know but Livia. He could begin again, as he had always done. He had fun hanging out with Felix, the Panda, Wardrobe, Vulcan, and many others, but his eternal life would go on without them.

But now… now Ryan could bring others with him. He could make bonds transcending time. Make connections that wouldn’t break, that could go wrong, that he couldn’t take back. And it terrified him.

However… Ryan remembered his time with Jasmine, and how he had made the decision to trust and tell her everything. He had taken a gamble then, because he realized something important. He couldn’t do the same thing over and over again and expect different results. If Ryan wanted a change in his life, it had to begin with him. Even if it meant taking a risk.

The courier sighed. “I won’t take everyone. Too many people know already.”

He didn’t want a repeat of his capture by Adam and Psyshock.

“I will record the memories of the people you vet first,” Livia reassured him. “My father wants me back, but I have the feeling now is the best time to make back-ups of everyone. We are approaching a point of no return soon.”

Yes. Once Dynamis and the Carnival mobilized, things would become extraordinarily more difficult.

But it would feel nice to have other people having his back.

---

Alchemo took Sarin with him, to try and figure out how to record her memories. Ryan didn’t know if it was possible, even if he hoped for it.

This situation, no, this entire loop, was a giant leap into the unknown.

“It could have gone better,” the courier said, as he faced the door to Shortie’s room along with Livia.

“Believe me, Ryan, it went far better than it could have. Though I couldn't predict your interactions with her, I’ve seen Sarin opening fire on me and Alchemo. Someone would have died.” Livia joined her hands together. “I do not understand why you didn’t jump at the opportunity to carry more people with you.”

“You can’t fathom the number of people I left behind. What’s one or two more?” Ryan looked away. “Why did you insist we bring them?”

“Because you are a good man, Ryan.”

The courier glanced at the mafia princess, and she smiled at him. A warm, lovely grin.

“Others with your power would not have gone as far as you did to make people’s lives better,” Livia said, her smile turning sadder. “And… I can tell it brings you great unhappiness. Every relationship you had was not a source of joy, but an open wound, a burden. Even now, you fear making connections you can’t take back. You’re not afraid of death, but you’re afraid of other people.”

Ryan remembered his philosophical discussions with Simon, back when they were trapped in Monaco. “Sartre said that hell is other people.”

“He was wrong, I think. Hell is loneliness.” Livia shook her head. “I think only the two of us can understand that well.”

Ryan glanced at the door. “Len is facing her own special kind of hell right now,” he admitted. “And I don’t know how to bring her out of it.”

His precognitive friend remained silent for a few seconds, looking for the right words. “When I was young, my father used to take my mother and me to Sicily,” she said, her tone somber. “He would drive through the hillsides and valleys on the island, and for hours we did nothing but watch the scenery. These… these were simple pleasures, but we were happy.”

Ryan listened in silence.

“Every time I see what my father has become…” Livia marked a short pause. “Or what he has always been, I remember these moments. I always wish we could go back to them. I think your friend feels the same.”

“But there are some things you can’t go back to, even with all the powers in the world,” Ryan said. “I checked.”

“No,” Livia admitted with a sigh. “But you can try to make new, happier memories. With the right people.”

The courier looked at this young woman wise beyond her years, and at the sadness in her gaze. “So can you, Livia.”

She didn’t seem convinced. “You have a second chance at happiness with people who love and trust you. In my case…”

“You have people who love and trust you,” Ryan reassured her. “That’s why you’re even here. Didn’t we have fun together?”

Her cheeks turned a little pinkish. “Yes, we did.”

“Then let’s make new happy memories of our own,” the courier said, smiling behind his mask. “Thank you, Livia. For everything.”

She chuckled. “You told my previous self that she wasn’t alone, and I will repeat these words to you. You are not alone, Ryan. Not anymore.”

Neither was she.

Ryan knocked on the door, and it opened by itself. He walked inside while Livia remained behind, her expression undecipherable.

He found Len sitting on a bed, her knees pulled towards her chest, and her hands around her legs. Her water rifle remained within arm’s reach, as if she might need it anytime. Perhaps Shortie expected Bloodstream to barge into the room anytime, as he did back in her childhood. The sight broke Ryan’s heart.

Len had never moved on.

“Shortie,” he said while sitting at her side. She didn’t move, even as he put an arm around her shoulder. “It’s almost time. I’m about to open the gate for Darkling to return home, and then…”

“I don’t know what I will do when we meet him,” she admitted, her voice muffled by her knees.

“Me neither,” Ryan admitted, his gaze distant. “But you were right. It’s the only way to get closure.”

“Do you think there’s… that there’s a chance to cure him? Make him human again?”

“I don’t know.” Tyrano might have modified him to make the Knockoff Elixirs. “Maybe he’s already dead, and they’re harvesting the corpse.”

Len didn’t answer a word at that, perhaps having already rehearsed the possibility in her mind. The slime in the experimental chamber hadn’t said a word, nor shown any sign of sentience. Perhaps Dynamis didn’t even keep Bloodstream in custody, but created something else with whatever DNA the Psycho had left behind.

They wouldn’t know until they had broken into Lab Sixty-Six, and Len couldn’t do that while sitting on a bed all day. She grabbed her water rifle, her expression turning determined.

“Let’s go,” Len said.

沙林把双手的臂铠对准众人，谁也不敢动。能量正在她手中积聚，随时都能化作强劲的冲击波喷薄而出。

说实话，瑞恩并不怕他这位造反的副总统。他轻轻松松就能暂停时间，制伏她。可眼下他们身处密闭空间，旁边的培养罐里还盛着仿制灵药；如果她放出一道冲击波，把那些东西溅到他身上，哪怕只是误打误撞……

“这么说，是要叛国了？”瑞恩开了个玩笑，“你知道这么抗命会遭到弹劾吧？”

“你才是叛徒！”沙林用臂铠指着他，威胁道，“你答应过我，要找到治好我的办法！我信了你，为你杀人，可现在……现在你兑现不了，就打算掉头回去了！”

“沙林，亲爱的，屋里还有别——”

“我不会再让你穿越时间了。”沙林低吼，根本不在乎，“除非你先治好我。就算得花上几个月，我也不会让你回去，直到你办到为止。”

瑞恩绷紧了身体，扫了一眼屋里的另外两人。莉维娅依然镇定，大概正在对沙林使用能力，寻找出路。而阿尔凯莫……

他一点也不惊讶。

“你早就知道了。”瑞恩说，“你这混蛋，我叫你别听，你还是在门外偷听了。”

每次瑞恩好不容易鼓起勇气，决定信任那个泡在罐子里的脑子，对方就会想出一种新鲜有趣的办法，辜负他的信任。

“我没干过那种事。”阿尔凯莫答道，语气里却带着歉意，“但你让我上传那个姑娘的记忆图谱时……”

“你查看了她的记忆。”瑞恩明白了，怒火中烧。这个天才能够提取并读取别人的记忆。“就像心震一样。”

“我不得不这么做，得确保她的记忆里没留下什么恶意改动。”阿尔凯莫为自己辩解，“在这里受委屈的不是我，肉包。你为什么不告诉我们，你这个自私的小鬼？我和我女儿为你做了那么多！”

“因为我告诉过你一次！”瑞恩怒吼着，抬手指向阿尔凯莫，“而你辜负了我的信任！你发了疯，想把我的脑子取出来，不让我读档！”

天才踉跄着后退了一步，仿佛挨了一记耳光。

“蒂娅不得不在手术中途杀了我，免得我被囚禁几十年。”瑞恩继续道，“一想到自己会忘掉一切，你就接受不了。”

“因为你是在杀我们，混蛋！”沙林吼道，“你在玩弄我们的命！”

“事情不是那样的，沙林。”莉维娅开口了，语气十分平静，“现在说话的是你的精神病，不是你自己。我明白你一定很绝望——”

“你理解不了我，蠢货。你根本就不懂，活成我这样是什么滋味。”沙林攥紧了拳头，“六个月。”

这个疯魔像射出子弹一样吐出这几个字，也像是终于鼓起勇气，吐露了一直压在心头的沉重秘密。

“第一次……我第一次获得能力时，被风吹散了。”她坦白道，“我……我那时候还不太懂自己的能力，所以花了几个月才把自己重新聚拢起来。花了几个月，才找到一个不会一碰就被我锈蚀的容器。所以你不懂，你不懂活成我这样是什么滋味。什么都感觉不到，看着别人做爱、吃饭、睡觉，自己却只能看着！”

此时她已经是在嘶喊了。

“你不懂被这座布做的监狱隔在世界之外是什么滋味。你不懂对身边每一把刀都心惊胆战，生怕哪把划破这唯一能让我维持完整的东西！我就这么过了好几年！”

“而这些年，你一直跟着亚当混，任他走到哪儿，就把苦难带到哪儿。”瑞恩冷冷地回答，“我亲眼见过，他把整个新罗马烧成灰之后，你照样站在他身边。他强灌海伦灵药的时候，你也在他身边吗？如果我不能倒转时间，你是不是也会任他把我变成疯魔？”

“我……”还算她有点良心，防化服姑娘被这番话说得有些动摇，但还不足以让她承担责任。“我没得选！没有别人愿意帮忙，等我入了伙，他又不肯放我走！”

瑞恩不接受这种借口。“你永远有得选，只不过有些选择要付出更大的代价。”这是他的切身体会。“你只是没勇气站出来罢了。而且你和弗兰克、杂种、酸雨不一样，别拿精神失常当借口。你清醒得很。”

瑞恩多少同情她的处境，也因她到目前为止提供的帮助而欠她一个人情，但这远远不足以抵消她的所作所为。他会治好她，但他不会忘记。

“沙林，我们正在想办法。”莉维娅保证道，语气柔和而圆融，“我们已经取得的进展，比食人魔亚当承诺过你的都要多。但我们需要更多时间。”

“永远都是再多一点时间。”她满腹狐疑地说，“亚当也是这么说的。下次就成了。”

“我答应过治好你，就一定会做到。”瑞恩发誓，“但你也看到了外面的尸体，那些人都是被食尸鬼杀的，我没来得及阻止他。这条时间线正在失控，走向更大的毁灭。”

“可我们还活着！”沙林抗议道，“海伦、杂种、弗兰克……只要你继续下去，就能治好我们。可你却打算逃跑！你给了我们所有人希望，现在又要把我们全都丢掉！谁给你的权利，让我们全都去死，就为了让你再来一次，啊？”

“那又是谁给了你这个权利？”瑞恩反问，“你满脑子都是空气，我多少还能体谅，但别逼我。这种能力不是我求来的，可我已经尽力把它用到最好。我能达成一个让所有人幸福的结局，也包括你。”

“那不是我。那是另一个我。前提还得是你兑现诺言，别把我们忘了。所有牌都他妈攥在你手里！”

“如果你怕的是这个，我们可以复制你的记忆。”莉维娅满怀希望地提议，“需要多少脑图谱，我都存得下。”

“我脑袋里只有空气。”沙林指出，“哪来的脑子让你们复制？你现在死了，我也就死了！”

“那你为什么还要威胁我？”瑞恩反问，“你觉得这样能有什么用？”

疯魔僵在原地。

“你根本没想那么远。”莉维娅说，“因为你现在脑子不清醒，沙林。把臂铠放下，我们好好谈谈。”

疯魔不肯听。“我受够了空话。”她说着，将两只臂铠都对准了瑞恩，“你跟亚当一样，只会动嘴，什么也不干。现在就治好我，不然我杀了你。”

“我会回来的。”瑞恩答道。这几个字说出口，满是苦涩。

“但你带不回其他任何人。别想再转移了。你那个两栖女朋友，她也别想回去。如果我死，她也得死。”

瑞恩浑身一紧，莉维娅却反应更快。“你只会毁掉自己得到治疗的所有机会。”她说，“因为你阻止不了他，而他会记住的。到目前为止，他辜负过你的信任吗？”

“信任？我该做的就是这个，信任？”沙林颤抖起来，“凭什么？”

瑞恩打破了沉默。“因为你只剩这个了！”

疯魔开火了。

一股压缩空气从距瑞恩脑袋不到一英寸的地方掠过，轰在他身后的墙上，将厚厚的钢壁打出一个洞。他没有畏缩，也没有移动。

“操！”

沙林双膝一软，跪倒在地，用拳头狠狠捶了两下地面。她举起了白旗。“我……我只是不想死……我想活着……”

“沙林，你会活下来的。”瑞恩说，语气稍稍缓和了些，“我发誓，到最后，你一定会有一个幸福的结局。”

“我不叫沙林，你这混蛋……”她嘶声道，话音里尽是苦涩，“你还不明白吗？我不想当沙林！我不想当那种东西！我受不了了，我想要回我自己的生活！”

瑞恩迟疑片刻，在她身旁跪下，将一只手搭在她肩上。防化服里面除了压缩空气，他什么也没摸到。“我发誓，会把你们都治好。”他说，“但我的圣诞礼物名单上不止你一个人。一定会轮到你，哪怕我要把同一个月重复上好几年。但你得等。”

她没有推开他。他把这当成了一个好兆头。

阿尔凯莫一直一言不发地看着事态发展，此刻终于找回了自己的舌头。对他来说，应该叫发声装置。“肉包，那……那就是你当初一声不吭离开我们的原因吗？”他问，“因为我干的那些事？”

瑞恩耸了耸肩。“那之后，我就再也受不了看见你了。等这一轮结束，我希望再也不用见到你。我就当欠你的人情两清了，你也不会再有我的消息。”

天才低头看着冰冷坚硬的地板，随后又抬起头。“不，瑞恩。”

“你说什么？”

“不。”阿尔凯莫重复道，无视了瑞恩的怒视，“那是另一个我一时软弱。我不是他。我们曾经是同一个人，但后来走上了不同的路。”

“人最糟糕那天的样子，才是他真正的样子。”瑞恩答道，“那暴露了你骨子里究竟是什么人。”

“最好的时候也同样能代表我，肉包。我这一生中的每一天都能。”这个半机械人摇了摇头，“我是个愤世嫉俗的老头，因为把所有人都赶走了，只好给自己造一个机器人女儿。好了，我说出来了。你走的时候我很生气，人偶也很伤心。但……那让我开始反省自己。让我试着做得更好。”

“是让你自己过得更好吧。”瑞恩指责道。

“不是。”天才平静地回答，“不只是为了我。也是为了人偶。她想帮助别人，所以我就去帮。我能帮你，也能帮那个气体姑娘。也许她没有脑子，但她能形成记忆。我能想出办法，复制她的心智。再为我自己，还有其他人做同样的事。”

“我不信任你。”瑞恩回答，“而且知道我能力的人越多，危险就越大。”

“可你却指望我们无条件信任你！”阿尔凯莫吼了回去。

“瑞恩，”莉维娅说着，将一只手搭在他的肩上，“你以前也不信任我。”

“信任是要靠自己争取的。”瑞恩反驳。

“那就让我复制人偶的记忆，你把它带走。”阿尔凯莫说，“你可以不喜欢我，肉包，可她爱过你……虽然这让我很恼火。如果我们再也不见，我女儿就永远解不开这个心结。你只会留下一个巨大的空洞。”

“不管你愿不愿意，都有人在乎你、依赖你，瑞恩。”莉维娅说着，看了一眼满心绝望的沙林，“你不必把他们全都留在身后。我理解其中的风险，但……一次又一次开车驶向夕阳，头也不回，真的值得吗？”

正中要害。

瑞恩看着沙林，思绪飘回了过去。飘回他解救了摩纳哥的囚徒，开车离去的那一天。他把那些曾与自己共度一生的人留在身后，再也没能挽回。他想起西班牙、法国、意大利，想起所有去过的地方，所有他曾帮助过、却从未留下的社区。

瑞恩也可以对罗马这么做：和蕾恩达成完美通关，然后离开。除了莉维娅，谁也不会知道。他可以重新开始，就像过去一直做的那样。和菲利克斯、熊猫、衣橱、伏尔甘，还有许许多多其他人相处，他确实很开心；但没有他们，他永恒的生命也会继续下去。

可现在……现在，瑞恩能够带上别人一起走了。他可以结下超越时间的羁绊，建立起不会断裂、却可能变糟，而且再也无法撤销的关系。这让他害怕。

然而……瑞恩想起了和贾丝敏在一起的时光，想起自己如何决定信任她，把一切都告诉她。那时他赌了一把，因为他明白了一个重要的道理。他不能一遍遍重复同样的事，却指望得到不同的结果。如果瑞恩想让生活改变，就必须从自己开始。哪怕这意味着冒险。

瑞恩叹了口气。“我不会带上所有人。已经有太多人知道了。”

他不想再重演一次被亚当和心震抓住的经历。

“我只会记录那些先经过你认可的人的记忆。”莉维娅向他保证，“父亲要我回去，但我觉得，现在正是为大家备份的最好时机。我们很快就要走到一个无法回头的关口了。”

没错。一旦迪纳米斯和嘉年华动员起来，局面就会变得棘手得多。

不过，有其他人在背后支持着自己，感觉应该会很不错。

---

阿尔凯莫带走了沙林，试着找出记录她记忆的办法。瑞恩不知道这是否可能，尽管他希望能行。

眼下这个局面，不，这整个循环，都是向未知迈出的一大步。

“本来可以处理得更好。”瑞恩说。他和莉维娅正站在小矮个的房门前。

“相信我，瑞恩，这已经比某些可能的结果好得多了。虽然我没法预知你和她之间的互动，但我看到了沙林朝我和阿尔凯莫开火。那样会有人死的。”莉维娅双手交握，“我不明白，既然有机会带更多人一起走，你为什么不赶紧抓住。”

“你根本想象不到，我曾经留下了多少人。再多一两个又算什么？”瑞恩移开视线，“你为什么非要带上他们？”

“因为你是个好人，瑞恩。”

瑞恩看向这位黑手党公主，她对他笑了笑。那笑容温暖而动人。

“换成别人拥有你的能力，不会为了让人们过得更好而做到你这一步。”莉维娅说，笑容渐渐染上了悲伤，“而且……我看得出，这让你很痛苦。你经历过的每一段关系，带来的都不是快乐，而是一道敞开的伤口，一份重担。即使现在，你还是害怕结下无法撤销的羁绊。你不怕死，却害怕别人。”

瑞恩想起被困在摩纳哥时，他和西蒙那些关于哲学的讨论。“萨特说过，他人即地狱。”

“我觉得他说错了。孤独才是地狱。”莉维娅摇了摇头，“我想，只有我们两个才真正明白这一点。”

瑞恩看向房门。“蕾恩现在也在面对只属于她的地狱。”他承认道，“我不知道该怎么带她走出来。”

这位能预知未来的朋友沉默了几秒，斟酌着措辞。“我小时候，父亲常带我和母亲去西西里。”她低沉地说，“他会开着车，穿过岛上的山坡和谷地。一连几个小时，我们除了看风景，什么也不做。那些……那些都是很简单的快乐，但我们很幸福。”

瑞恩静静地听着。

“每次看见父亲如今变成的样子……”莉维娅略微停顿，“或者说，看清他一直以来的样子，我都会想起那些时光。我总希望我们能回到从前。我想，你的朋友也是一样。”

“但有些过去，就算拥有世上所有的能力，也回不去了。”瑞恩说，“我试过。”

“回不去了。”莉维娅叹息着承认，“但你可以试着创造新的、更幸福的回忆。和对的人一起。”

瑞恩望着这个年纪轻轻却如此通透的女人，望着她眼中的悲伤。“你也可以，莉维娅。”

她似乎并不相信。“你有了再一次获得幸福的机会，身边还有爱你、信任你的人。可我……”

“你也有爱你、信任你的人。”瑞恩宽慰道，“不然你也不会来到这里。我们在一起不是很开心吗？”

她的脸颊微微泛红。“是，很开心。”

“那就让我们一起创造属于自己的、新的幸福回忆。”瑞恩在面具后微笑，“谢谢你，莉维娅。谢谢你做的一切。”

她轻轻笑了。“你曾告诉之前的那个我，她不是孤身一人。现在，我也要把这句话送给你。你不是孤身一人，瑞恩。再也不是了。”

她也一样。

瑞恩敲了敲门，门自动打开了。他走进房间，莉维娅留在门外，脸上的神情让人读不懂。

蕾恩坐在床上，双膝蜷到胸前，两手抱着腿。她的水流步枪依旧放在触手可及的地方，仿佛随时可能用上。也许小矮个觉得血流随时会闯进来，就像她小时候那样。这一幕让瑞恩心碎。

蕾恩从未走出来。

“小矮个。”他在她身旁坐下。即使他伸手搂住她的肩膀，她也没有动。“差不多该走了。我准备打开门，送暗灵回家，然后……”

“我不知道见到他的时候，我会怎么做。”她承认道，声音闷在膝间。

“我也不知道。”瑞恩承认，目光有些悠远，“但你说得对。只有这样，才能有个了结。”

“你觉得……有没有可能治好他？让他重新变回人类？”

“我不知道。”提拉诺为了制造仿制灵药，可能已经改造过他。“也许他已经死了，他们只是在从尸体上取材。”

听到这话，蕾恩一言不发，也许早已在心里想过这种可能。实验舱里的那团黏液从没说过话，也没表现出任何有意识的迹象。也许迪纳米斯根本没有关押血流，而是用那个疯魔残留下来的DNA造出了别的东西。

不闯进六十六号实验室，他们就无从得知。而蕾恩要是整天坐在床上，就不可能做到这一点。她抓起水流步枪，神情变得坚定。

“走吧。”蕾恩说。